Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Japanese Virgins and Tentacle Fetishism

5. Charlotte police shooting: [Nigger] had a gun, not a book, chief says
 We know it couldn't have been a book because food stamps don't come in books anymore.

4. Nigger's Daughter Testifies on Her Father's Behalf to Refute Prosecutor's Claims He Murdered the White Son of His Mudshark Ex-Girlfriend
I really tried to make this article's headline more intelligible, but I don't know how successful I was. The gist of the story is that a nigger is accused of strangling the 12-year-old son of his mudshark ex-girlfriend. His nigger daughter claims he couldn't have committed the crime, because he was at home with her at the time. But, "Surprise!", her timeline of events is refuted by evidence. Evidence - the bane of the black man.

3. Pickup Artists Preyed on Drunk Women, Brought Them Home, and Raped Them
Uh, yeah ... that's what they do. It's kind of their whole strategy. It is said that every generation thinks it is the first to have discovered sex. Millennials are so stupid they think they are the first to discover that booze is slut fuel, and have crafted an entire internet subculture around the revelation. HA! The primary "white" "man" villain in this case is said to have kept fucking a woman while she was puking. Eww. That's what you PUA fanbois call a player. It's what Leftists call a rapist, and what I call a colossal pervert. Just how low must your standards be, how desperately pathetic is your masculinity, that you fuck a puking woman?  Pathetic enough that you are willing serve eight years in prison in order to be able to brag to anonymous retards on the internet that you fucked a puking woman. Maybe, if this "player" is lucky, Tyrell will ply him with toilet wine before he turns him in an even bigger bitch. So much for Kwanian "white" sexual dysfunction, now we turn to Japanese sexual dysfunction...

2.  Nearly Half Japan's Millennials Are Virgins
And the other half lost their virginity to seafood, as we shall see below ...

1.  Japanese Virgins and Tentacle Fetishism
Japanese cosplayer poses with a live octopus for a photoshoot

Of course she does, because - Japan. And when we see sick shit like this, we wonder why half of Japanese millennials are still virgins?

Back in the 90's, I had a White friend who was enamored with Japanese anime. When we played video games at his mom's house, he would play anime videos on a second TV. I thought the videos were the most demented nonsense I had ever seen. The stories made absolutely no sense. The Japanese have no sense of continuity. The concept of anything being part of a "canon" must not exist to them. It was never a problem if each subsequent episode or part of a series contradicted the previous. But in terms of the animation, they were incredibly consistent - in an equally awful way. The characters not only all looked the same, they sounded the same, they all had the same 6 canned expressions to convey emotion.

Some of the videos were insanely ultraviolent. I remember one called Fist of the North Star that featured blood randomly pouring out of people's heads. But the one that left the biggest impression was called Urotsukidoji. It was anime pornography disguised as a ultraviolent action movie, and it featured something that would later become its own genre on the interwebs - tentacle rape. I remember exactly what I said when that scene played "What the fuck is this supposed to be?". My friend offered some weak defense along the lines of "Don't worry about it, it gets better." But that was the beginning of the quick end of that friendship. The real reason being that I was every day becoming more of an insufferable racist who openly expressed my hatred for everything non-White and non-Western. I hadn't yet learned to hide my beliefs.

Years later, I used that experience to write one of my all-time favorite CDN pieces. It aired on the Turner Radio Network in 2006. I will add the transcript below, as I think it shows how prescient I was about the consequences of the Japanese indulging their perversity, when compared to articles 1 and 2 today.


The findings of a new study by The Society for Science Not Interesting to the Public attempted to discover the reasoning behind the all pervasive tentacle fetishism that dominates Japanese cultural life. The study found that over 4,000,000 Japanese women are treated annually for wounds seemingly inflicted by tentacled creatures intent on molesting young Japanese women. 

Researchers set up cameras in the homes of 912 victims of repeated tentacle molestations and attempted to capture any tentacle related activity. In all 912 cases it was found that a male member of the woman’s family, usually a husband or boyfriend but occasionally an uncle, father or grandfather would don the family’s ancestral, handmade bamboo and squid tentacle costume and force himself on the unsuspecting female as part of a centuries old nightly ritual that has allowed Japanese men to maintain their erections for periods lasting as long as 13 seconds. 

Naturally such findings were ridiculed by the Japanese scientific community as vicious slander against the pure white socks of the violated Japanese females. An even stronger response was elicited from the anime community in Japan, which is the driving economic force in the land of the rising sun. In fact, 6 out of every 10 Japanese males are self-published manga artists, while the remaining 4 out of 10 hand manufacture monster-themed card games for international export. 

In protest of the study’s findings, anime artists from around Japan assembled at Tokyo’s Hello Kitty Stadium and Tentacle Rape Pavilion to assert their undying respect for tentacles in all shapes and sizes. We interviewed one of these young gentlemen by the name of Ken, who said the following: “I have come to the stadium to declare my smiling faced admiration of tentacles. If I had tentacles, they would be red, and they would shoot out from my fingertips when I became fatly aroused by scent and wind. And Miss Kuso, my geography teacher, would wear thick rimmed glasses and have a blue miniskirt, and her boobs would be big like watermelons, and green like them too.” 

Ken continued for some time to explain the importance of tentacles in Japanese culture, and we shall take his ravings at their word and repeat them as if they are fact. Japanese history begins with a seminal moment in which lady Chipatama, the earth goddess and first sex ninja, and only person in Japan at the time, wandered up from the arid valley of fetid fishheads to the gleaming peach tree orchards of Mt. Seishi and fell in love with the simple brown farmboy who tended the peaceful orchard with his family ... who were incredibly older than him, except for a younger brother who was actually his great grandfather. 

Lady Chipatama played a 7 hour long song from her magical eyebrows, but was then inexplicably and repeatedly raped by the peaceful peach trees while the farmboy was held in humiliated defeat and forced to watch the violation of his beloved. Through the power of animation, and by transforming himself into the Pharoah of Korea, the farmboy was able to design a cardgame of such complexity that it banished the demon peach tree to the bottom of nearby lake where no one lived. The village full of people who fished in the lake would eventually be terrorized the next day by the peach tree demon in episode two, forcing lady Chipatama to once again risk her virginity which she had already lost. 

This is such a moving example of the indispensable wisdom of the enchanted east, that we here a CDN have decided to put out a hit on the scientists who tried to defile these fabulous Japanese myths with disgusting racist truths.


Reading that 10 years later, I still laugh as hard as I did when I wrote it. It makes me a bit melancholy that my show was so dreadfully unpopular.


  1. It could be just the next Millennial fetish sex. One acquaintance casually dated a girl who apparently gave him head while she was puking—in his aunt’s toilet. While he related this story, I looked on in disgust and wondered what it is about people and oversharing. But it is nice in a way, as it reinforces my low opinion of humanity, lest I forget.

    I once happened upon a street fashion magazine from Japan at work. I flipped through it and quickly realised why the young men there are virgins and don’t reproduce. Either they looked like hobos or fags or hobo fags.

    If you were playing video games, why on earth would he play anime on a second TV? So he wouldn’t get bored?

    I must admit that my first thought was that your friend just must have had quite a terrible taste in shows. I think it is more of a case “making shit up as we go along” because I know plenty of Western books, television shows, movies and video games that couldn’t keep track of its own canon or continuity. One writer contradicted himself within two pages of his own book. One quite famous authoress couldn’t keep her characters consistent from one book to the next. (My apologies, I used to read ‘sporkings’ when I was younger.)

    That doesn’t mean there isn’t plenty to criticise about Japan; like their penchant for tentacle, gang rape and pedophilia porn. Or their odd fetish towards the panties of underage girls. Or crossdressing men. Or plenty of other things.

    - Different Anon

    1. Hello Different Anon,

      Well, your acquaintance is apparently qualified to be a PUA life coach.

      "like hobos or fags or hobo fags."

      HAHAHA! Outstanding.

      I have no idea what sporkings are. Would you like to elaborate? Googling provided some rather confusing and wildly divergent definitions.

      I admit I play games with music or video in the background, and even when I am talking to people on the phone. First thing I do when I load a game is mute the game's music so I can hear the other content. I don't think I have focused on just one or the other since I was a kid. One form of distraction is just not enough. It's pretty bad, but I never saw anything unusual about that aspect of my friends behavior, because I did exactly the same thing at my house. I simply didn't have the money to spend on the best games like he did. I just wished he had better taste in distracting secondary content.

      I don't think I can ever be convinced there is any form of media more lacking in continuity than what the Japanese turn out.

      I could almost forgive their fetishism, if their media made one lick of sense. On the other hand, mockery of their media has made for a lot of great episodes of MST3K.

    2. It is quite possible he is much better at it than the internet PUAs. For whatever unfathomable reason, he has always dated these rich girls who basically provide for him everything. Personally I cannot imagine why.

      Here is a few choice images I took and sent to my sister. The hand on the first picture was quite painful to look at.

      Sporkings are mocking, humorous dissections of literature (or other media) where they point out inconsistencies, contradictions and mistakes. Though, quite a few of them also complain how the characters are such jerks or “racist”, the horror. I’m unsure from where the name derives but that is what they were called.

      Oh well then. To me it seems a little odd, but I did previously say I have a habit of concentrating on one thing at the expense of others.

      Oh yes, the Legend of Zelda post. I remember reading that. I thought the game producer just offered the first excuse off the top of his head to get the insane off his back. I also found the one who wrote the article quite moronic because while the Zelda games are part of the same series (or brand, more like?), they are still stand-alone games so talking about canon—or lack of it—seemed rather pointless.

      To be honest, I have watched a few Japanese made animations when I was a kid. There was nothing really outrageous about them (well, from what I recall) so that is why my first thought was that your friend must have had a terrible taste in shows. But admittedly what I watched were adapted from Western children’s books so perhaps that is why.

      “I don't think I can ever be convinced there is any form of media more lacking in continuity than what the Japanese turn out.”

      HA HA! Well, this entirely possible, however. And far be it from me to convince anyone of anything.

      - Different Anon

    3. Those pics - HA! Thank you for the laughs.

      Thank you also for the definition of sporking. That is much more cogent than what I was getting from my futile Googling.

      I was equally astounded by the Jap's idiocy as I was the interviewers idiocy. The vortex of idiocy those two created threatened to unravel reality itself, and I felt my mind slipping in a Joker-like madness reading that article.

      The triforce is a MacGuffin. It may has well have been a crown, or a sceptre, or a mirror - or whatever other bullshit relic that can be reassembled from a broken state as in nearly every questing adventure game.

      The jap's latest rewrite of what the symbolism of his MacGuffin was a completely ineffective distraction from dealing with the simple reality that Link is a boy and Zelda is a girl. Wanting to swap them up is something for chronic masturbators and social justice warriors (often one in the same) to get off on.

      I just wanted one of them to start telling the truth.