Saturday, March 05, 2016

Wrestler Matt Herpes Surprised by Genital Reaction

I was trying my hand at click baiting, but I don't think I have the concept down just right. When do you start clicking? Oh, well. Here's the real story: Wrestler with 'mat herpes' surprised by genial reaction.

Blake Flovin braced for the worst when he went public about the virus known as "mat herpes" he believes he contracted while wrestling at a high school tournament in San Jose.

Blake Flovin? Sheesh, Matt Herpes sounds downright manly compared to that kid's real name. Continuing...

Rather than the shame and torment the 17-year-old half expected after his splotchy face appeared throughout the media this week, he's received nothing but support from his friends and fellow wrestlers.

Since his story broke late Wednesday, Blake's Facebook and Instagram pages have filled with requests from an even larger group of people who want to "friend" and "follow" him -- the equivalent of "atta-boys" for teenagers.

Oh, thank you so much for explaining to us what "friending" or "following" someone means. I just got out of my time machine from 1950, where "friending" someone meant you just raped their dog. Frickin' mass media morons. Continuing ...

[Section Commissioner Duane] Morgan acknowledged [...] that not all safeguards were in place at the CCS tournament at Independence High School in San Jose last month, when Blake believes he contracted the virus.

In particular, the girls who competed were not given thorough "skin checks" by trainers before their matches because there were no qualified women to perform them, Morgan said.

And as a result, this poor kid was rolling his face around in herpes-laced cunt juice left behind on the gymnasium mats? (Otherwise known as Rosie O'Donnell's regular Saturday Night Thing.) You're trying to tell me that every lesbo in San Jose was previously occupied and couldn't attend a snatch-check at the local high school? I call bulldyke! I mean ... bullshit!


  1. Oh, excuse me, M. Snarkus Maximus Hilarius, but where *I* come from, "Friending" refers to sneaking into Quaker meeting houses on Saturday night and applying "Peace through superior firepower" decals on all the tampon machines. So there.

    Wait one.

    "Mat herpes"?

    "MAT HERPES"?????


    1. HA! Must be a regional thing.

      Yes - Mat herpes. Another reason to avoid The Sports.