Thursday, March 10, 2016

Pawn Star Chumlee Nabbed by Po-Po's

Enormous, over-inked man-child "Chumlee" from the show Pawn Stars has been arrested in Las Vegas. If you don't know who that is, I congratulate you on avoiding the kike-clops (otherwise known as the television set). I have not been as fortunate, until recently. Pawn Stars was one of the few shows I tolerated as background noise. I didn't particularly care for any of the characters. What I liked was trying to guess what things were worth / what price would be settled upon. I think the reason I liked it was because I generally find everything so freakin' worthless. I have no idea why people accumulate possessions, especially "collectibles".  This one collects antique guns, that one collects comic books, another one collects autographs. Why? Why does anyone value things that have no utility? For example humans. Most have no utility. Why do we keep amassing them? But I have substantially digressed. Back to the news.

So Chumlee was arrested. And why do you think that is? I mean, it couldn't be a sex crime - he's too fat to find his own dick. It couldn't be breaking and entering - he struggles to fit through doors, let alone windows. If you think it could be for shooting someone, that is much more plausible and you're getting warmer. Try this ...

Austin Russell – better known as Chumlee on Pawn Stars – has been arrested. Russell, 33, was taken into custody on 19 gun and drug charges Wednesday and held on at the Clark County Detention Center on $62,000 bail, according to arrest records. He was arrested following a police raid, the Las Vegas Sun reports. According to the Sun, Russell was arrested as officers served a search warrant in connection with a sexual assault investigation when they found meth, marijuana and firearms. The report adds that Russell was not charged in the sexual assault case. 

Did you catch the four-letter word that is best translated as White* Trash Kryptonite? Here it is M-E-T-H. Ha! He was recently praised for dropping below a metric ton again, and now perhaps we know how that miracle was accomplished.

*NOTE: Chumlee has always looked beaner/mongoloid-tainted to me, but for the purposes of this post, and the enjoyment I derive from cracker meth stereotypes, he shall be considered a cracker.

Meth's a helluva drug.


  1. Chumlee is a dumb fat blob but I think part of it is an act to boost ratings,it is a crap fake tv show

    The idiot has over 300 pairs of air Jordans

    He's got bigger tits than the average feminist

    1. 300 pairs of Air Jordans and he can barely stand up under his own weight, let alone participate in The Sports.

  2. "....recently praised for dropping below a metric ton again", HILARIOUS!