Saturday, March 12, 2016

112-Year-Old Man of Auschwitz and Holocaust Alzheimer's

I read two unrelated stories today that I found to be funnier when smushed together. Enjoy untangling them, if you must.

World’s oldest man has lived 112 years — including 2 at Auschwitz

The Holocaust and Alzheimer’s, Together at Last in ‘Remember’

Israel Kristal lived through the tumult of two world wars, lost his family in the Holocaust, and escaped death in the Auschwitz concentration camp. He then built a new life in Israel. On Friday, at the age of 112 years and 178 days, he was declared the oldest man in the world.

[His] longtime wife and companion has just died, leaving him to mourn alone, clinging to memories of the past and calling out her name in the dark. In the assisted living facility where his son Charles  has placed him, his pathetic daily routine is interrupted by a friend and fellow resident named Max who sends [him] on a secret mission to track down a fugitive German concentration camp SS commandant who murdered their families.

“There have been smarter, stronger, and better-looking men then me who are no longer alive. All that is left for us to do is to keep on working as hard as we can and rebuild what is lost.”

[He] doesn’t fully comprehend what is going on, and sometimes he can’t remember his own name. But Max, who is confined to a wheelchair after a stroke, has planned everything in advance, including expense money and a letter of instructions

“In the camps there wasn’t always anything to eat,” he said. “What they gave me, I ate. I eat to live, I don’t live to eat. I don’t need too much. Anything that’s too much is no good.”

Up to this point, the premise [...] seems unlikely. Why would anyone dispatch a sick, vulnerable old man suffering from dementia on such a challenging mission? Because, explains his friend Max, “You are the only man who can still recognize the face of the monster who murdered our families.”

The Auschwitz-Birkenau State Museum in Oswiecim, Poland, said on Twitter that the announcement of Kristal’s longevity was “a very symbolic fact considering his personal story.”


  1. This is so hilarious and also psychotropic that I couldn't comment before because my brain literally locked itself up laughing itself into the neural shits.

    Holocaust Worship *IS* dementia. And this proves it.

    1. HA! That was exactly the intended effect. A concentrated simulation of the long term brain-addling power of Holocaustianity.