Sunday, January 31, 2016

Three Frogs in a Pot - A White Whateverist Fable

One day, three unfortunate frogs found themselves stuck in a cook pot with a glass lid on it. How they got there is a matter of some debate. Regardless, the water in the pot was getting increasingly, uncomfortably warmer, and it dawned on two of the frogs that they were in mortal peril.

Frog 1 looked up from his philosophy book and said, "Do you think it's getting warmer in here?"
Frog 2 finished his beer, threw the empty can over his shoulder, and said, "Yeah man, I think it is."
Frog 3 just stared off into the distance, ignoring the other two frogs.

Bookish Frog: I think the chef is trying to turn us into soup!
Lowbrow Frog: Don't blame the chef, the guy who runs the restaurant is a total greedy fucking bastard.
Silent Frog just stared off into the distance.

Bookish Frog: Of course the owner bears some responsibility, but that's not the point. Somehow we have got to figure a way out of this trap!
Lowbrow Frog: You just want to escape and not fight back against the assholes who put you here? What a pussy.
Bookish Frog: Ughhh... it's useless talking to you. Hey there, quiet friend, certainly you too can see the danger we are in?
Lowbrow Frog: Yeah ... you know the score, don't you brah? It's time we go on the attack and make these murdering fucks pay!
Silent Frog just stared off into the distance.

Bookish Frog: Are you advocating violence in this situation?!?
Lowbrow Frog: No man, that's retarded. I am against violence - it's counterproductive. Now is the time to use our brains to fight.
Bookish Frog: I agree! So here's my plan. I have begun disassembling my book and moistening the pages with my saliva so they will stick together. Soon, I will have created an unsinkable life raft that will weather the storm to come!
Lowbrow Frog: HA...HA...HA! What the fuck? You think you can ride this shit out on a paper boat soaked in spit? What a loser. Brah - this guy is nutz, don't listen to him.
Silent Frog continued to stare off into the distance.

Bookish Frog: It's not a paper boat soaked in spit! It is a mighty vessel of moral soundness, crafted from the works of the greatest philosophical minds in frog history! 
Lowbrow Frog: Pfffttt. Faggot.
Bookish Frog: Fine then? What's your brilliant plan for the future?
Lowbrow Frog: See - I am already on it. That's how good I am. This ain't no waiting around for things to get better, what I'm doing is happening now. Do you feel it? It's happening!!!

Bookish Frog: What's happening? What are you talking about?
Lowbrow Frog: The plan, man. Ready for this? I just took a shit in this pot.
Bookish Frog: You did what?!? How in the world is that going to help us?!?
Lowbrow Frog: Don't you get it? If we all shit in this pot together, then we spoil the soup. Nobody will want to eat shit soup! They'll dump us out - just like I'm about to - oooo ... ermmmppp ... ehhhhhhh .... Yep, there, I just helped the struggle again.

Bookish Frog: Stop doing that, you idiot!
Lowbrow Frog: Typical. Name-calling and attacking me because you're jealous I'm actually making a difference. See, you don't hear quiet guy complaining, he gets what I am doing for us.
Silent Frog continued to stare off into the distance.

Bookish Frog: No he doesn't! He is ignoring you like any sane frog would.  And while you were busy polluting the waters, I prepared this engraved invitation for him to join me at my next conference about the threat we face. I've even invited a particularly horny toad to teach us all how to be better frogs.
Lowbrow Frog: It's not me he is ignoring, it's you! You're all talk and no guts! Look at this ... I just posted a picture of my latest turd on my Ribbit feed and got 10,000 croaks. How many frogs even know about your little queerbo conference?

Bookish Frog: Mr. Toad's sexual orientation is his personal business! Your homophobia is why our quiet brother remains aloof! If I didn't know better, I would say you're controlled opposition meant to keep us from successfully securing a future for our tadpoles!
Lowbrow Frog: There you go again, attacking me! Now that sounds like what controlled opposition would do! Fuck you! Hey, quiet brah ... time to hop out of here right? On the count of three you and me jump and will knock the lid right off this pot. Ready? 3!
Silent Frog continued to stare off into the distance while Lowbrow frog struck his head against the unbudging lid.

Bookish Frog (sarcastically clapping): Bravo! Ha! You really took the fight to our enemy! Looks like our silent friend has made up his mind and realized it is time to join me aboard the S.S. Who We Are. Come friend, the steam is rising - it's time.
Lowbrow Frog: Whatever man. Fuck both you faggots.
Silent Frog continued to stare off into the distance.

Bookish Frog (grasping silent frog by the arm): What's the matter friend?
Lowbrow Frog: Yeah what's the matter? Doesn't he  want to go on your gay honeymoon cruise?
Bookish Frog: ... He's dead.
Lowbrow Frog: Duuuude... But look at the size of the dump he took when he died! We'll be out of here in no time!

2 comments:

  1. So, the white race is dead and it's all just a waste of time? Bummer.

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    Replies
    1. That's the wonderful thing about symbolism - as soon as you begin to interpret it, you reveal more about what is on your mind, rather than whatever is on the author's mind.

      I will point out, however, that the title of the post tells you this is a White Whateverist fable, not a White Race fable. It assumes you will have an understanding of the trashy versus respectable approaches of various White Whateverists.

      It is a very common mistake among White Whateverists to believe that one's fate is tied up with the failure or success of the race as a whole. This is a predictable hazard of being part of a "Movement" to "Save" something, and could just as easily be experienced when trying to save souls or whales, rather than the White race.

      In this case, the joke is that these frogs cannot even save themselves, so how are they going to save a third party? If you believe the third party stuck with them is the White race as a whole, that is one interpretation. I regret that this website is the least popular corner of the World White Webs, so that additional interpretations are unlikely to be forthcoming. Bummer.

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