Thursday, December 31, 2015

Mystery Meat Mama Kills Her Baby Just in Time for New Year's

Last story of 2015, gentle readers. A mystery meat mama admitted she killed her baby boy to prevent him from dying in an impending doomsday flood. Alrighty then, sounds reasonable enough given that people were walking around in short pants on Christmas Day in the Northeast ...

A Florida woman has been arrested after telling police she killed her young son and stuffed the body in a suitcase to 'save' him from a Biblical flood.

Bay County Sheriff's spokeswoman Ruth Corley revealed in a news release that the woman's boyfriend went to a fire department Tuesday afternoon to report that 27-year-old Egypt Moneeck Robinson, of Callaway, had killed her child. Fire officials contacted deputies.

Egypt Moneeck? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! I don't think you're nigger enough for a name like that! Nice cheek studs, though. No doubt she had them installed to define the boundaries of the zone on her face upon which her customers should deposit their loads. Perhaps they light up in the dark like runway lights to help guide you in. So how did she explain her actions?

'The world is going to flood and everyone was going to be drowned and I can't be drowned, therefore, I have to be shot in the head,' Robinson was quoted as telling the officer before declaring, 'I was just trying to save my baby!' She later added: 'Everyone on Noah's Ark relieved and my baby will relive again!' 

You know what? I don't believe her. I think she is going over the top with the crazy to try and get away with a "not guilty by reason of insanity". Well, there it is. 'Kwanian Baby New Year 2016 has been murdered by his own mud-mother. Fitting.


  1. "she killed her young son and stuffed the body in a suitcase to 'save' him from a Biblical flood."

    Musta been one of those squishy cooler type suitcases, since they float. Or maybe she doesn't know the diff between a suitcase and a styrofoam picnic beer chest.

    I figured the holes in her cheeks were so she didn't have to swallow. 'Specially since her name is probably pronounced egg-wiped.

    1. Oh good god that is disgusting ... but pretty damned funny.

      An update to this story - she tried to get a bus ticket out of town after the murder. I stand by my suspicion that she is feigning madness.