Sunday, October 11, 2015

Snail Facials

Quoting:

The last time I encountered escargots, they were served sizzling in garlic and herb butter by a French waiter. Now one is slithering up the bridge of my nose while five others are being stuck to other parts of my face by a Thai beautician, all secreting snail slime to (hopefully) smooth out some wrinkles and otherwise give me a younger-than-my-age look.

Like for many, the prospect of having my face crawling with slimy hermaphrodites (snails are unisex)* did not immediately appeal. Although from my own research I decided it might be preferable to another natural therapy – “uguisu no fun”, or nightingale feces facial, which has been around in Japan for centuries.

Goddamn - Western cunts will believe any old nonsense is "Ancient Chinese Secret!", won't they? You turn up your nose to nightingale feces, but snail facials - that makes perfect sense. Watch as a bunch of hipster trash (and one Negress) get snail facials in the following video.


We should have guessed that you can't put the word "facials" in a video and not have it devolve into pseudo(pod)-pornography pretty quick:

00:35 The Negress declares she is "Down for anything on the face." A highly marketable skill.
01:10 The Plastic Surgery Monster declares the snail's penis is still out while she places it on the face of a Chalky doofus who responds "Great!" while he lies back and takes it. See the note about hermaphrodite snails above*.
02:30 The Chalky female declares her face "feels tighter" after the experience. Now that's a good little consumer. But what about your vaginal tightness? More snails, Pierre!

6 comments:

  1. Yes womyn will do anthying to look attractive
    You think snail facials are bad?
    Google stella ralfini,this mad bitch says sperm facials are the key to youthful skin

    Then there is civet cofee,this is coffee beans that are harvested by the poop of civet cats and is the world's most expensive cofee

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you for providing two worse examples of human degeneracy and idiocy.

      I had heard of the sperm facials thing before, as it was an old joke even when I was in school. But I hadn't heard there was a woman actually stupid enough to make it part of her "beauty" routine and to tell others of it as well. If Stella truly has been following her own advice, she is living proof sperm facials do not lead to youthful skin.

      http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-2802939/the-oap-sex-therapist-67-advises-sexually-frustrated-young-couples-try-kama-sutra-use-love-potions-boost-sex-life-says-sperm-facials-youthful.html

      As for civet coffee - that one is completely new to me.

      http://world.time.com/2013/10/02/the-worlds-most-expensive-coffee-is-a-cruel-cynical-scam/?iid=gs-article-mostpop1

      Quoting:
      ***
      In the past 10 years, kopi luwak has won the hearts — and wallets of global consumers. A cup sells for $30 to $100 in New York City and London, while 1 kg of roasted beans can fetch as much as $130 in Indonesia and five times more overseas. The ultimate in caffeine bling is civet coffee packed in a Britannia-silver and 24-carat gold-plated bag, sold at the British department store Harrods for over $10,000. The justification for these exorbitant prices? A claim that kopi luwak is sourced from wild animals and that only 500 kg of it is collected annually. The claim is largely nonsense.

      To satisfy global demand, many suppliers keep captured civets in cages and feed them almost exclusively on coffee cherries. Enduring appalling living conditions and an unhealthy diet, these nocturnal omnivores suffer mental distress — incessantly pacing and gnawing on their limbs — and succumb to illness and death. These grim farms are not confined to Indonesia. Farmers elsewhere in Asia have jumped on the bandwagon. By one estimate, 50 tons of mass-produced civet coffee from Indonesia, Vietnam, the Philippines and China flood the market every year.
      ***

      In a just society, the elites who finance this abomination would be put in cages and force-fed each other's shit-flavored coffee beans until they gnawed their own limbs off.

      Delete
  2. I think leeches would work better.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Lo and behold - Hollyweird already thought of it. Incredible ...

      http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-544588/Demi-Moore-admits-bizarre-beauty-secret-I-let-leeches-suck-blood.html

      Delete
    2. Lol, never underestimate the moonbat.

      Delete
  3. Snails are pleasant enough creatures, unlike hippie liberals. They don't smell, are quiet, have no fangs, and eat green stuff from your garden without lecturing you endlessly about it. They clean up messes without demanding $15 an hour. They provide their own housing.

    I pity the snails.

    ReplyDelete