Wednesday, September 09, 2015

A Cat Named Queef

 
As has been previously established, if you address a letter "To Diversity" and place it in your nearest post box, it will eventually find its way to Compulsory Diversity News. Here is one such letter we received, answered for the benefit of the sender.

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Dear Diversity,

My Grandma has named her cat Queef, and calls her Queffie. She even took the cat to the vet, who had to write in the file that the cat's name is Queef.

I feel like I should tell my Grandma what Queef means, but I am afraid it has gone on too long without me saying anything.

This summer, my family got together and my grandma was telling Queef stories. My younger sister and my cousins kept laughing inappropriately. They egged her on saying, Grandma, tell us about your cat. Why did you name her that? And Grandma would say -

That's the sound she makes. She doesn't meow, she queefs.

Queef! I'm hungry!
Queef! It's wet outside!
Queef! I don't want a bath!
Queef! Rub my fur!
Queef! I have smelly fish breath!

You should have seen the disrespectful faces they made while laughing at the last one. It doesn't help matters that grandma still sometimes calls cats pu**ies.

So grandma - your hear a lot of queefs coming out of your pu**y?

And they laugh while she nods yes.

I wanted to tell her they are laughing at you Grandma, not with you! I'm ashamed that I didn't speak up to tell them be more respectful. But I feel like it was my fault in the first place because I could have told her a long time ago and spared her this embarrassment and feeling like she is being made fun of by her own grandchildren who she loves so much.

What should I do?

Sincerely, Cat Still in the Bag

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Dear Cat Still in the Bag,

There are several qualities of your letter that provide evidence that you are a properly  functioning White person. How do I know you are White?

1) You have chosen to take offense on another's behalf.
2) You have avoided direct conflict at all cost.
3) You are afraid to speak up for fear of ostracism.
4) You have come running to Big Brother to tattle on bad-thinkers.
5) You are guilt ridden over something that you did not do.

This is all well and good, and precisely as it should be ... however ... there are qualities to your letter that demonstrate you are also racist monster.

If you are White, then your grandmother is White as well. And that means she has lived her entire life with the White privilege of not being mocked and abused by her own kin. Respecting your elders? How Chalky is that? In defending her, you enable the cycle of traditional White filial tyranny and heteronormative prejudice. RACIST.

And what's worse is that you have advanced the patriarchal vagina-silencing / vagina-shaming agenda that teaches women that their vaginas are something that should not be heard in polite conversation. The problem isn't that your peers take joy in the thought of your grandmother's queefing - the problem is that you do not.

Diversity

2 comments:

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