Saturday, August 22, 2015

"Fried Hard Like a Black Dick"

Here's a weird one ...

A woman was stunned to find a takeaway had written instructions to fry her chicken wings "hard like a black dick". Loretta Smith Layne, from New Jersey in the United States, ordered the fast food from Danny’s Pizza Pizzazz last month, according to WCAU-TV. “I was very offended and upset and disrespected to get those words on a receipt,” Layne said.
Store owner Danny Sommeling told WCAU-TV to get off his property when approached by a reporter but admitted in a text message to Ms Layne that it was the fault of his son - a manager at the pizzeria. Danny Sommeling said his son's behaviour was “definitely not professional” but said he was "a really good boy".

Good grief - yet another installment of the receipt-based culture wars.

Personally, I see this as the result of the niggerization of the Amerikwan public school system. Young Mr. Sommeling's inability to construct a coherent simile should bring shame upon his primary school educators. Who in the world was his 4th grade English teacher? Riskay? (For those of you playing along at home, Riskay was the female rapper who popularized the phrase "Smell Yo' Dick".)

Not to be overly critical, but fried hard like a black dick really doesn't make much sense, as penises, regardless of color, are not typically "fried". It's funny in its crudity, but the crudity simply compounds the offense in a very blatant way. If the fellow had said, "like my dick", the racism element would be gone, but the crude (and kind of confusing) humor would remain, and his customer would still have a reason to clutch her (faux) pearls in front of the local news.

I would like to offer an alternative that would have made sense in the context of fried dead meat, would have been humorous, and would have been covert enough that it may have gone unnoticed because of its esoteric nature: "Fried hard like George Stinney." Don't know who that is? I will save you the Googling:

George Junius Stinney, Jr. (October 21, 1929 – June 16, 1944) was, at age 14, the youngest person executed in the United States in the 20th century.

Stinney, an African-American youth from South Carolina, was convicted in a two-hour trial of the first-degree murder of two pre-teen white girls [...] He was executed by electric chair.

But A-drey-drey, maybe Sommeling the younger wanted to cause offense in way that could be easily grasped - and your joke would only appeal by the 1% of the 1% of the 1% of the 1% of the 1%. CDN lacking mass appeal? So what's new? Welcome to year 9 of this endeavor. But lack of mass appeal is not an excuse for a poorly constructed joke. If Mr. Sommeling the younger simply wanted to be offensive, he should have just told that sub-ape-ess to go suck a black dick, confident that there was a greater than 95% chance that was what she would be doing anyway after she finished her chicken dinner. And in that case, he would not have provided his victim a hard copy of the slur!


  1. ive worked in a couple of fast food places ,here are my observations

    a pain in the ass, never tip, always got to have a complicated order such as " chicken burger with no tomato ,extra cheese, toast the bun for exactly 1 minute, make sure its fresh mayo" etc ,god damn chimps

    Whites, polite quiet, perfect customers
    Asians , very tight with money
    Muzzies ,rude cunts similar to niggers and always come in a big family
    Faggots, very loud and annoying but usually give good tips

    1. Stereotypes exist for a reason, and your observations are useful in confirming same.

      But what about gay blacks? Does their niggery or faggotry win out?

      Here's the answer:

    2. trick question muh dik is muh dik whether they stick it in a goat, a toaster an 82 year old granny or little boys like Jackson, its also racist to call them gay