Monday, May 25, 2015

Memorial Day with a Ouija Board

I've been communing with the spirits of America's fallen armed forces personnel this weekend. I used a star-spangled Ouija board and planchette shaped like an American eagle. What I discovered is that America's war dead are surprisingly ill-informed of modern events. The afterlife is a bit short on periodicals and has no newsfeeds apparently. With each spirit I contacted, my aim was to let the fallen know that they had not died in vain. To accomplish this, I showed them inspiring pictures of the modern world. Here are some examples:

Private Murphy was a son of Irish immigrants. As a young man, he was drafted in the Union army, and met his end at Gettysburg. To remind him why he fought, I showed him this, a picture of America's first Black President smoking dope at the same age Murphy was when he was shot through the eye by a Confederate bullet.

Sergeant Richardson was 28 when fought in the D-Day landings. He was later ripped to shreds by machine gun fire at the Battle of Bulge, but he had lived to see the liberation of Paris from the Nazi menace. To remind him why he fought, I showed him this, a picture of North African Muslims rioting in a Paris suburb.

To Army Chaplain Snyder, who died in the line of duty serving in a land war in Asia, I showed this, a picture of the first gay couple wed at the West Point Chapel.

This is why you fought, Americans. This is why you died.


  1. Those guys died for Progress but they still have their white privilege. Time for a round of diversity training in heaven?

    1. Impossible - all the kikes are in hell, so who would run the training seminars?