Tuesday, September 09, 2014

Socked her in the bean, and knocked out a 20 dollar weave...

Yesterday, a visitor suggested: You need to do a story about the racist gargoyle. Very well, I shall.


A Chicago mother of two [Sarah Bean, left] was headed to lunch with her fiance in the city's South Loop on Thursday when pieces of a gargoyle fell from a church's facade and struck her in the head, killing her.

She was headed to lunch? Nice. Want to throw in any details about how the last time her family saw her was when she was headed out the door to buy some headcheese before heading to work early so she could stay ahead of traffic?

Sarah Bean's fiance, Lance Johnson, started screaming, the witness says, as he fell to the ground and held his hands to his head. Family members tell NBC Chicago the couple was due to marry soon; Johnson is the father of Bean's two children, ages 10 and 14.

Yes, her name is Bean, and she was killed after being hit in the bean. This suggests that her fiance Johnson would be wise to wear a cup around gargoyles. Also ... due to marry soon? 14 years after the birth of their first child? I knows niggas be late all the time but sheeeiiiittt. Let's turn to video for more:

"I felt like somethin' happened..." Felt with your Jedi mind powers? You saw nothing and heard nothing when a huge chunk of masonry dropped upon the head of your baby momma? I'm guessing he was on his cellphone at the time. By the way - to the Chalkies interviewing this fellow - shove your microphones up your asses you worthless vultures. Please note, the white gargoyle was innocent. It was the black racist metal plate that sliced off the gargoyles head that fell on Bean. More black on black violence.

And finally, for the most important detail in a story of a darkie killed by a falling gargoyle: Did you see the sign for Sister B's Bingo Bonanza? Sounds like super fun.


  1. HA! Obviously someone hadn't been praying to Black Jesus hard enough...

    1. Black Jeezus don't answer no prayers! Whut!?! You think Black Jeezus yo' slave, gotta keep gargoyles from knockin' off yo' weave just cause you prays fo' it? You pay fo' some good weave maybe gargoyle won't bust yo' head up next time.