Thursday, June 12, 2014


What do you see in the picture above? Can you determine at what you are looking? If you said the demented scribblings of some delusional schizophrenic trying to document her latest near death experience, you are probably not too far off. Meet Onionhead. Warning folks, this is going to get weird really quick...

Quoting this webpage:

It is not what is Onionhead - it is who is Onionhead? Onionhead is this incredibly pure, wise and adorable character who teaches us how to name it - claim it - tame it - aim it. Onion spelled backwards is ‘no-i-no’. He wants everyone to know how they feel and then know what to do with those feelings. He helps us direct our emotions in a truthful and compassionate way. Which in turn assists us to communicate more appropriately and peacefully. In turn, we then approach life from a place of our wellness rather than a place of our wounds.

Say what now? You're suggesting people take new-agey advice from an anthropomorphic cartoon onion?

No ... I ... Don't think so. Or how about no ... as in "No way in hell am I listening to a talking onion." This has got to be a fucking joke, right?

No ... I ... No Joke

Quoting this article:

The [U.S. Equal Employment Opportunity Commission is] suing a Long Island company that employees say they were forced to leave because they refused to participate in religious rites in the workplace called Onionhead — which included praying, thanking God for their jobs, and saying "I love you" to management and co-workers — a lawsuit charges.

A Cost Containment official identified in the suit only as "Denali" allegedly is the leader of Onionhead practices at the company and retaliated against employees Elizabeth Ontaneda, Francine Pennisi and Faith Pabon, who balked at attending one-on-one sessions with her to discuss "divine plans" and "moral codes." [...]

In a telephone interview, Denali Jordan said she was an independent consultant to Cost Containment and denied that Onionhead was a religious practice. [...]

"This (complaint) has been going on for years and it is based on untruths and money," Jordan told The News. "The EEOC just likes going after companies and causing problems. There will be something good that comes from this that helps others."

A dubious argument coming from a woman who thinks something good will come from this:

Onionhead  - the first religious minority that can be persecuted with a Salad Shooter.


  1. In my experience, when starting a new job they used to just make you watch some political correctness video and take a quiz on a computer and that was it. Now they're doing this? I don't even know what say about something like this. That video was creepy and weird in the extreme. Saying I love you to co-workers and your boss? And the official is only identified as "Denali" and wants to discuss 'divine plans' seriously WTF! You work you do what your supposed to do, then you get paid. And the part about doing what your supposed to do should not include discussing 'divine plans' with some one called "Denali".

    This is like covert degradation in the name of uplifting people. What could be more degrading then feeling forced to talk about 'divine plans' at work and telling your boss and co-workers you love them. If I did that just save my job it would be hard not for me not see myself as a spineless worm. But I suspect that is exactly the point. They want to break people.

    Good on those people who sued.

  2. Excellent points, anonymous. And best of luck to the employees who sued their onion-headed overlords.

    A lot of corporate workplaces have similar cult-like elements, though not as overtly spaced out as the onionheads. Whether you clean the floors and make coffee or manage the company and make millions, you are expected to be equally hyped up about the company's mission.

    Hello Mr. Smith. Welcome to Pencil-Co. Maker of Fine Pencils. As a new employee what do you think we do here at Pencil-Co?

    Mr Smith responds "Make pencils?"

    Wrong, Mr Smith! We make dreams and change lives. We are the educators of children and the architects of humanity's future. We are the moral foundation of the communities we serve.

    Mr. Smith responds, "Sounds great! Where do I start?"

    You will be the Master Graphite Coordinator of the Eastern Regional Division.

    Mr. Smith responds "Wow! What does that mean?"

    It means you will spend the next 35 years of your life at line station East-E5B inserting lead into pencil shafts for $8.25 per hour. Now go make dreams come true Mr. Smith!