Thursday, February 27, 2014

Dr. Mindbender Rufies the Baroness

An amusing story from Britain this week, where a woman by the name of Baroness Marie-Claire Von Alvensleben pled guilty to racially aggravated assault and obstructing a police officer. Quoting this article:

Adam Sumel, a Canadian businessman, was the first victim of her racist tirade in the bar at the Sheraton. He [sic] slapped him across the hands five times and said: ‘Niggers should not be allowed here – you brown people are ruining Britain. [...A] guard, Haliz Hamza, then stepped in. ‘He spoke to the defendant because other guests complained about her behaviour and she clenched both her fists and pounded his chest repeatedly,’ he said. As Mr Hamza escorted Von Alvensleben out of the hotel, she said: ‘You have stayed here ten years, this must be India.’ The baroness carried on with a rant about ‘blacks, Arabs, Asians and Jews’.

‘She believes her drink was spiked at the bar,’ [...] ‘She has no recollection at all as to what happened and says it is out of character for her to say such things.’

One possible explanation is that Dr. Mindbender slipped some of his "Mel Gibson Serum" into the Baroness's wine as a prank. Do you get the joke? If you do, perhaps you are a child of the 80's like me. I loved the G.I. Joe cartoon when I was a little kid. And for some warped reason, I always rooted for Cobra. I hated the egalitarian chaos of the Joes and their Village People dress code. Thinking back, I wonder if I was also rooting for Cobra because the group was virtually all White. The only one I didn't like was Destro, and I think that was because he sounded black! It's strange - I never thought of that until today, but maybe my racism made me anti-Joe. Is it possible that a young child would have such a well-developed sense of racial antagonism as to discriminate against non-White cartoons? Or have I simply always been evil, and racism is simply the most evil thing there is in today's society, hence I am racist by default? Whatever the case, evil people always have more fun, as do racists. And with that in mind:

Welcome to Cobra, Baroness von Alvensleben!

Wednesday, February 26, 2014

Racism: The Universal Language

The following video is just more proof that racism will not disappear with the demise of the Chalky Race. How marvelous!

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

Fatwa Issued on Trip to Mars

Quoting this article:

The mission is being planned by the Dutch nonprofit foundation Mars One. In April 2013, it announced its ambitions to establish a human settlement on the Red Planet by 2024.

But the GAIAE "General Authority of Islamic Affairs & Endowments" likens the journey to a suicide mission. On the authority's free 24-hour hotline, the issue was deliberated by the center's specialized muftis, or scholars, who issued the following statement: "It is not permissible to travel to Mars and never to return if there is no life on Mars. The chances of dying are higher than living."

Muslims going on suicide missions? Who on Earth has ever heard of something so ridiculous? Oh yeah - Everyone on Earth has! Silly me.
Top 5 Ironic Reasons Not to Go to Mars

1) The Gay and Lesbian Alliance Against Defamation (GLAAD) issued a statement today to the gay community arguing against travel to Mars. They warned that seven months alone in a space capsule might lead men into homosexual behavior.
2) The Anti-Defamation League (ADL) cautioned Jews that travel to Mars would be too expensive and unprofitable..
3) David Duke spoke out against White people going to Mars, arguing that White people are not natural explorers.
4) The Sy-Fy channel warned its viewers that too much interest in space travel to Mars could give them an unwanted reputation as nerds.
5) The Aborigines Advancement League discourages indigenous Australians from trips to Mars, as it could distract them from their work in other fields of vital scientific research.

Monday, February 24, 2014

The "Is it Racist?" Picture for 02-24-2014

Here's a cute pic I found today. Is it racist? Sure, why not? And like almost all racist things, it is entirely based upon observable fact. Crackers, which is to say Chalkmeisters, love cheese. And why shouldn't they? The whitest of the White are nearly 100% lactase persistent, meaning they retain into adulthood the ability to break down lactose, the sugar found in milk. Other ethnic groups around the world are starting to catch on - notably in West Africa and the Arabian Peninsula, but in general, the majority of the humans on planet earth are still lactose intolerant.

Intolerant - such an ugly word isn't? Diversity teaches us that there is no room in this world for intolerance of any kind. What should be done to correct this bigotry? "Oh!", the intolerant cry, "It's not my fault! I was born lactose intolerant!" Well that's no excuse. Chronic, spastic diarrhea and ungodly flatulence is a small price to pay to prove to the world you are not a hateful bigot. We crammed multiculturalism down your throat without any trouble, so I'm sure a few metric tons of Limburger crammed down your throat won't be anywhere near as bad for you - or as pungent.

Sunday, February 23, 2014

Savitri Deadsi

Ha! This is so rich it just has to be fattening...

A White Pennsylvanian woman living in India, Erin W. Willinger, has been stabbed to death by her East Indian husband, who in turn blew himself up with cooking oil. Willinger married taxi-driver Bunty Sharma four months ago in Agra, site of the Taj Mahal. (Yes this is true, he is a taxi driver. Yes, I know an East Indian taxi driver is a walking stereotype. Yes, I know she could have found several thousand East Indian taxi drivers in Pennsylvania if she had wanted one. Yes, she didn't have to go all the way to India to marry an East Indian taxi driver. Yes, I am sure I am not making this up.)

According to her father, quoted in this article:

While Andrew Willinger said his daughter did have a romantic relationship with Sharma when she first arrived in Agra last July, he said his daughter's decision to get married in October was influenced by her desire to be a part of the community and to be fully accepted.

Erin Willinger had been working to promote a campaign called "Agra Sunder Hai" that would promote cleaning up pollution in the city. The day she was killed she held a press conference to talk about her campaign, according to the Times of India.

Ha, again! Like most loony leftists who get in bed with the subhumans, she did so because it fit into her larger ideologically-driven White guilt insanity. She wanted to be a White angel, saving the poor backward brown-people of India. And to be accepted as one of them, she entered into a marriage of convenience that didn't even last half a year. And when Gunga Din was humiliated by his "woman" leaving him, he took his revenge and ended her sojourn among the mud people of the subcontinent. She got what she deserved. Perhaps in her next life she will be reincarnated as a White woman who loves her own race. It might serve her better.

When are White people going to stop romanticizing India? (That open sewer that passes for a civilization). Cows are sacred there so you let them lie around in the streets? Well, human feces must be downright godlike because they too are lying around on every street in India.

Saturday, February 22, 2014

North Korean Torture Pics

From FoxNews on 20 February 2014, we have this story of graphic pictures drawn by a former inmate of a North Korean prison. First, a quote from the article, followed by a selection of the pictures.

The damning UN report on North Korea's crimes against humanity released Monday contains shocking allegations, but its message of misery is driven home even more powerfully by eight sketches drawn by a man who survived more than two years in Pyongyang's hell on Earth. The drawings, released as part of the 400-page report, lay bare the brutality of a regime that has practiced torture on its people, undeterred, for years.

Friday, February 21, 2014

Black History Monf

Why no love for Black History Monf? Today, I would like to draw your attention to three stories that demonstrate that despite heroic measures to make black history a sacred flail with which to flagellate guilty Chalkmeisters, the MultiCult has nothing to show for their efforts. Perhaps that is because every student in the country endlessly recycles the same reports on MLK, George Washington Carver, and Harriet Tubman every February, year after year after year.

1) A private school's lunch menu had to be retracted as offensive because it offered students cornbread, fried chicken, and watermelon in honor of Black History Monf. LINK.
2) A Negro student at Grand Valley State University found the words "Fuck Black History Month" scrawled on her dorm message board, along with a crudely rendered drawing of a lynching. (Personally, I smell hoaxery with this one). LINK.
3) The Jeopardy college champions semifinal game featured three Chalky Devils who did their best to leave the category "African American History" wholly untouched until every other square on the board had already been checked. LINK.

Thursday, February 20, 2014

The "Is it Racist?" Picture for 02-20-2014

Perhaps this image is racist, but I say the bigger problem is that it is incomplete. Please see my revision below.

Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Golly, Wog!

A Scotsman is being publicly hounded after he was caught on video telling a wog politician "You're not from my country." The video, posted yesterday on, showed the confrontation between the Scot and Humza Yousaf (a member of the Scottish parliament). The Mirror described the incident thusly: "Shocking moment politician was victim of racist attack while selling Big Issue to highlight homelessness". Ah yes, it was quite an "attack". The claymore was drenched in the blood of the innocent wog (translation from Mirror-ese: a trace amount of spittle collected in the corner of one bloke's mouth). Please see below:

Today, The Mirror revealed the identity of the White "attacker", quoting:

Chris Chisholm, 30, from Dunbartonshire, was identified by people who know him and say he "isn't a nice person" after he targeted MSP Humza Yousaf who was highlighting homelessness in Glasgow. [...] When reporters from the Daily Record knocked on Chisholm's door after several people identified him, he refused to speak. Instead his wife, Christina, 29, said: "No we don't want to speak to anybody," before closing the door. Chisholm runs his own installation company and lives in a detached house in Gartcosh with his wife Christina, 29, and their young child. Chisholm did not respond to requests to discuss the clip, which is being probed by police.

And so, The Mirror has given you more personal, identifying details of this White not-"nice person" than it would have given if the video had shown a wog cutting the head off of a White child and face-fucking the skull while screaming Allahu (Admiral) Akbar! Why would they do that, hmmm?

Now to Address Chris Chisholm:

1) Were you paid for this encounter? Because to give Yousaf such free good press is beyond generous of you.
2) Assuming you don't want wogs overrunning your homeland, how was this encounter going to help you in that regard?
3) How long will it be before you apologize, denounce evil raaaacists, request psychiatric counselling, and join an anti-racism campaign as a way of (hopefully) avoiding jail time?

May I suggest Mr. Chisholm you !!!PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE!!! follow my suggestions for dealing with this matter:
a) Issue the following terse statement: "My ancestors fought to keep the English from overrunning this country. I don't understand why we should now be happy that the English are sending their former colonial subjects to finish the job."
b) When asked any other question by the press, respond: "I have nothing to say."
c) Exercise whatever right you have to remain silent when the police come knocking.
d) Accept whatever penance the state demands with the exception of apologizing.
e) Breed prolifically with your wife.

I believe that if you remain silent and refuse to cave, White-aware people around the world will send you financial support to get your family through this time. However, should you flinch, you will face this one alone, and end up selling out your child's future.

Tuesday, February 18, 2014

Obama: Lord of the fLIES

Upon further consideration of that evil raaaacist from yesterday's post, a college boy accused of fostering microaggressive racism by e-mailing people a picture of Obama kicking a door, I once again marveled at how diluted the word racist has become. If anything is proven by that story, it is that racism at this point in Western Civilization is simply anything that a brown person (or one of their wild eyed White enablers) does not like about you.

Because I like racist one-upsmanship, today I submit the following: If showing Obama kicking a door implicitly propagates the stereotype that blacks are violent thugs, what do these pictures of Obama hosting flies suggest? Here is one take on that issue.


Flies - the original nigger lovers.

Monday, February 17, 2014

The Empty Sack of the Week 02-17-2014

Introducing a new Compulsory Diversity News award - The Empty Sack of the Week. The Empty Sack award goes to a non-man who has demonstrated to the world that he has no balls and cannot resist being the butt boy of the MultiCult. In castrating himself before the world, he swears his allegiance to the Cult of Diversity, and announces to all that he is our bitch. This week's Empty Sack is Brian Farnan, who apologized for the grievous sin of e-mailing a picture of Obama kicking a door.

Quoting this article

A student at McGill University in Montreal, Canada was forced to issue a formal apology for emailing a picture of President Obama kicking open a door–all because some students thought the image was somehow racist.[...] The .gif of Obama kicking a door was racist because of the “cultural, historical and living legacy surrounding people of color—particularly young men—being portrayed as violent,” according to the apology letter that Farnan was forced to write. [...]“By using this particular image of President Obama, I unknowingly perpetuated this living legacy and subsequently allowed a medium of [Student Society of McGill University] communication to become the site of a microaggression; for this, I am deeply sorry.”

Saturday, February 15, 2014

Negro Criminal Doesn't Understand How Snow Works

During a snowstorm on Long Island yesterday, one of the sub-apes (21-year-old Victor Fabian) robbed at gunpoint a Dunkin Donuts. Cops, who have a substation behind the Dunkin Donuts (shocker, I know) arrived in minutes (how many minutes, it should have only taken 60 seconds to cross the parking lot?), were able to follow the paw prints in the snow back to Fabian's chimphideout.

Friday, February 14, 2014

Thursday, February 13, 2014

Jews can't tell black people apart.

If you have not had the good fortune to see this exchange yet, watch as KTLA interviewer Sam Rubin (Oy Vey!) gets chewed to pieces by Samuel L. Jackson after Rubin mistakes Jackson for Laurence Fishburne. Please note that though this is being spun as Whites cannot tell black people apart, Rubin is one of the Chosen. This makes it especially fun to watch as Rubin slaps himself on his own face and shouts "Flog!" to atone for the mistake (0:38), inadvertently revealing his Jew-e-ness. Rubin's friends should remind him about this when Yom Kippur rolls round.

Wednesday, February 12, 2014

White Russia Part II

On 15 September 2014, I posted about Russian politician and former figure skater Irina Rodnina sparking controversy by tweeting a racist photo of the Obongos:

At the time, I suggested that how the controversy was handled would serve as a sounding for the theory that Russia was the last hope for the White race:

"If Russia is truly immune to the Cult of Diversity, Irina Rodnina should remain unscathed, and will not be denounced by her colleagues. If Russia is susceptible to the racial hysteria contagion, Rodnina will be shamed by her own colleagues and forced to apologize."

There has been little action regarding this story until recently, when Western media picked up on the fact that Rodnina was one of the two Russian former athletes chosen to light the Olympic torch in Sochi this year. Under scrutiny once again, Rodnina has caved, according to this source:

At the time [Sept 2013] she rejected all the criticism, tweeting: "Freedom of speech is freedom of speech, and you should answer for your own hang-ups."

Now, five months after the picture appeared, Irina Rodnina has said she is sorry.

In a new tweet she wrote: "I respect the Obama family and apologise for not clearly stating earlier that I don't support the tweeted photo or racism in any form."

In a second message she explained her "account was hacked and I should have shown better judgement in my initial response and handling of the event".

I don't know that she caved because of any political pressure at home, but the line she is peddling now is straight out of the Cult of Diversity playbook. Oh well. It was fun having some one give the finger to the MultiCult while it lasted. According to the same BBC story, Irina went on to say:

"People react to things in different ways. To me, and I'm just a normal person, a banana doesn't arouse any political or any other kind of emotions," she said.

That made me wonder what might have aroused her into making an apology. Please see below.

Monday, February 10, 2014

Tuck and Cover - Trans Photography

A photo spread by self-described "Queer Portrait Artist" JJ Levine was featured at today. Quoting this article:

For the series “Alone Time,” Levine recreated and photographed typical domestic environments that play with gender stereotypes. As a twist, he used only one model to play both the male and female characters in the image.

Let's take a look at five of his photos, showing the same person dressed both as a male and a female:

The message of JJ Levine is clear - if you are an ugly man, you will make an even uglier woman, and vice versa. Now that I have made that confident pronouncement of his obvious intent, let us hear from him, again quoting the above source:

“Trans and queer visibility is empowering for a greater number of people when it happens alongside other necessary fights against, for example, poverty and racism,” he said.

Oops. I guess I missed the mark in my assessment of his intent. Excuse me, but except for the fourth photo showing that black sissy boy dressed as one of the least convincing black "women" I've ever seen, all the other subjects seemed to be a bunch of over-privileged hipster kikes with hormone problems. Exactly what use are they in the fight against poverty and racism?

Sunday, February 09, 2014

Not-so-Super Mario Bruthas

I know nothing of "The Sports". It can be quite a source of confusion. Today, I saw a newslink that read:

Mario Balotelli Cries; Everyone Thinks It's Because Of Racist Chants

Now, given my limited knowledge of "The Sports", I thought - "That fat Italian chef? Who would be directing racist chanting at him?" Clicking on the link quickly revealed the truth. So, just in case anyone else is as clueless about the World of Sport as I am, here is an object lesson:

Here is where my confusion continued. I had no problem believing Mario Batali would cry, I just had problems believing he would be a victim of racist chanting. On the other hand, Mario Balotelli looks like the messenger who got kicked down the well in 300 - I had trouble believing anything apart from being kicked down another well would make him cry, though I had no trouble believing he would be subjected to racist chanting, because of his savage-from-the-bush appearance.

Apparently, the problem of racist taunting of African players on European teams by European sports fans has led to a campaign against the phenomenon. So when sub-ape Balotelli sat weeping on the bench yesterday, the Cult of Diversity crowd immediately leapt to the conclusion that it was because he was being taunted from the stands. But no - it turns out he was crying because he had been benched during a losing game. How disappointing - but still, it is pretty funny!

Saturday, February 08, 2014

Bustin' up a chiffarobe

Today, I shall consider how society missed a chance in the 1960's to come up with another euphemism for interracial sex.
When I was a young teenager, forced by the public school system to be indoctrinated into the Cult of Diversity by way of the Worship of the Saintly Negro, To Kill a Mockingbird was both required reading and required watching. For whatever twisted reason, the indoctrination did not work, and my mind became starched and bleached with hatred for human equality. Personally, I think the reason was that I actually had lived among large packs of Negroes in the public school system, and I had never met a Negro male who didn't behave like a leering, foul-mouthed pervert with astoundingly poor impulse control. Not to say I did not meet Jewish, Asian, Latino, and White males who behaved this way, it simply was not a universal quality of these lads, the way it was with the thug-imitating culture of the teenage Negroes. Could these Negroes actually have been decent people? Certainly so. But for me, their actions spoke volumes louder then their potential for decency.

So, projecting my personal experiences onto a novel like To Kill a Mockingbird, I immediately perceived the disingenuousness of the one-dimensional characters of Tom Robinson and Mayella Ewell. In the story, which largely centers on the trial of Robinson for allegedly raping Mayella, Tom is portrayed as the Saintly Negro, devoid of fault. Mayella is the White Trash whore, devoid of virtue. And yet, Tom is convicted, and the blatant injustice ends up raping the reader/viewer. It is all too simplistic for anyone not suffering from moral retardation that does not permit shades of gray. But that is what the mooing cattle need - theoretical absolutes from which to derive their moral bearings. And the herd is all too willing to suspend disbelief in the cause of racial equality.

Tom's excuse for why he was alone with Mayella in the first place was that she wanted him to "bust up a chiffarobe" for her, and he was just trying to oblige. Reflecting on the novel/movie today, I think the reader/viewer could have benefited from an admission from Tom not that he "felt right sorry" for Mayella but that he "felt right attracted" to Mayella, but knew that such feelings would get him in trouble. Of course, to prevent further disbelief, Mayella would have to have looked as if she bathed her body and combed her hair on occasion. Perhaps if this admission had been permitted, "Bustin' up a chiffarobe" would have become a euphemism for interracial sex decades before "Jungle Fever" was popularized. But this admission would humanize Tom, and remove the Saint's halo from his head - so it cannot be permitted, however reasonable and believable it would be. Instead, Tom remains a giant retarded Negro stereotype, innocent and pure, mistreated by one set of Whities and defended by another set of Whities. And this stereotype still gets a lot of play - see The Green Mile and The Blind Side.

Friday, February 07, 2014

Google Sochi Olympics Home Page

Google has been gaying it up as a way of flipping the bird at Russian homophobes. Please enjoy this image, courtesy of their home page today.

Thursday, February 06, 2014

Dear Addy,

I found a Dear Abby letter from a woman who is dating a "racist" man. I decided to add my response below Abby's. The link to the original can be found here.

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating someone for about six months. We fell in love very quickly and spend almost every second together. He’s the perfect man, except for his racist views.

Our relationship has hit a rough patch ever since he found out that I have dated African-American men. He can’t seem to get over it, but he keeps saying he wants to try to make it work. He says cruel things sometimes when he gets mad, and it seems to be on his mind constantly. I don’t know what to do or how to make this better. We fell in love, but it seems to be spoiled because of my past.

This isn’t a big deal to me. I have always dated people I thought were good people. He seems to view it as disgusting. I thought he was my soul mate because we connected so well on everything else, but I’m afraid he will never get past this issue and I may be wasting my time. 
What should I do? — Rocky Road in the South

DEAR ROCKY ROAD: Give him a hug and let him go. You are the sum total of your experiences and your upbringing, and the same is true of your boyfriend. He comes from a background of racial prejudice. When a person is raised that way, the mindset can be very difficult to change.

As much as you might want to, you can’t fix this man; only he can do that. And from your description of him, I don’t think he’s capable of that kind of growth.

Addy says -

DEAR ROCKY ROAD: Haven't you ever heard the expression, "Once you go black, we don't want you back!"? You might as well have told him you've been repeatedly fucked by dogs, or that you give blow jobs to pigs. You've committed bestiality, and you're stupid enough to tell people about it. I know it is difficult for you to understand the concept of finding sex with animals gross, since you have slept with niggers. So, I shall try to give you another example. Imagine your perfect man told you he's had sex with his mother - as revolting as that concept is to you, the concept of you getting plowed by nignogs is to him. But his revulsion is morally wrong!, you declare. But do you feel revulsion to the concept of incest because it is morally wrong, or is the revulsion innate and primal - like being sickened by stepping into a pile of excrement? To normal, healthy people, you are the person who not only doesn't mind stepping in the excrement, you don't even have the courtesy to wipe it off your shoes before entering someone else's house! Let this poor, perfect man go, and then have your tubes tied.

Wednesday, February 05, 2014

Wendy Ferris: Cookie Monster

A middle school lunch lady in Norfolk, Massachusetts is under arrest after threatening to shoot up her school over a batch of over-baked cookies. LINK

Top 5 Jokes for Lunch Lady Cookie Monster:

1) "C" is for Columbine, that's good enough for her.
2) None of her coworkers could remember anything they could have done that made lunch lady Wendy so angry, but Pepperidge Farm remembers.
3) The cops nabbed her at work, worried that she might retreat to the sniper's nest in the hollowed out tree in which she lives with the Keebler elves.
4) Wendy's husband is worried that if she gets out on bail, she might try to kill herself by sticking her head in the oven at 350 degrees for 12 to 15 minutes.
5) Insensitive gift for Wendy's husband to send her this Valentine's day: a cookie bouquet.

Tuesday, February 04, 2014

Anne Frank's Lost Marbles

Curious story today from the Anne Frank House Museum in Amsterdam - it seems Anne Frank's lost marbles have been recovered and will soon go on display in her shrine. Quoting this story:

Kupers told Dutch national broadcaster NOS that she didn't consider the marbles that special. She said shortly before the Frank family left the square they both lived on, Anne approached her for a favor. "I'm worried about my marbles, because I'm scared they might fall into the wrong hands," Kupers said Anne told her. "Could you keep them for me for a little while?"

This left me wondering, why would she be scared they might fall into the wrong hands? Like Heinrich Himmler was killing Jews as part of living out an evil childhood fantasy to have the largest marbles collection in Europe? So... I made the following post, which mockingly suggested why Anne was so worried about her marbles. Within moments, someone took the bait. :)

Monday, February 03, 2014

Mongoloid Hamlet

That title should be ambiguous enough to make one wonder if we are going to discuss a hamlet inhabited by mongoloids, or a mongoloid who plays Hamlet. The following picture should reveal our topic:

Quoting this article:

Watch Growing up Downs on Monday 3 February at 21:00 on BBC Three. A group of young actors with Down's Syndrome set out to create a touring production of Shakespeare's Hamlet.

The documentary shows the kind of conversations which closely match those of younger people without learning difficulties, says Jessop. Rehearsals for the play yield a real-life love triangle, questions about personal and sexual identity and plenty of emotion.

Yes, you read that correctly - sexual identity. One of the supporting mongoloids thinks he might be gay after developing an attraction for the leading mongoloid.

If you would like, please take a gander at the following presentation, featuring leading mongoloid Tommy Jessop's rendering of "To be or not to be..."

On a related note, you may also enjoy watching Corky fight the powers that be - or not be. This video honestly gave me new found respect for the comic timing of Patti LuPone.

Sunday, February 02, 2014

Fat Actor Philip Seymour Hoffman Murdered by his Fat

Earlier today, news broke that obese actor Philip Seymour Hoffman is dead. The rotund thespian is best know for his work in such films as Capote, Boogie Nights, and Punch Drunk Love. His hefty body of work garnered the portly star an Academy Award, and several Academy Award nominations. Circulating just before the press conference were these media questions, to be asked of the Hoffman family's spokesperson:

1) Hoffman has been battling his weight for years, correct?
2) Didn't Hoffman know how unhealthy it was to be so fat?
3) How did Hoffman feel, being a fat celebrity, wasn't he ashamed of himself?
4) Do you think the guilt of being so overweight in Hollywood fueled Hoffman's war with food?
5) Was Hoffman trying to end up like his idol, James Gandolfini?
6) Is it true that Hoffman murdered his dietitian and tried to eat her?
7) Is it true that Hoffman was once caught having intercourse with an enormous wedge of Swiss cheese that he was simultaneously trying to consume?
8) It is rumored that Hoffman had a wife and children - how is that possible since he was so fat? Are they fat too? And how soon before you think they will be murdered by their fat?
9) Is there a cemetery large enough to dispose of the carcass of Philip Seymour Hoffman?
10) Has the family considered sinking the corpse of Hoffman off the coast to create a new marine reef habitat?

Shortly before the press conference, news leaked that Hoffman had been discovered with a needle in his arm, and that he had died of a heroin overdose. That forced we in the News Media to reassess our initial biased assumptions about the cause of his death, and rewrite our questions accordingly:

1) Didn't Hoffman know it was dangerous to shoot smack given how fat he was?
2) Was Hoffman's addiction to smack any match for his addiction to food?
3) Was Hoffman trying to use smack as a substitute for cheesecake?
4) How did Hoffman have enough money for smack, given he must have spent millions per year on food?
5) Are we sure the substance in the needle was heroin and not Crisco?
6) Was Hoffman trying to end up like his idol, John Belushi?
7) Is it true that Hoffman murdered his dealer and tried to eat him?
8) Is it true that Hoffman only turned to heroin after mistaking a needle full of smack for a needle full of insulin he no doubt needed because all fat people have diabetes?
9) Since Hoffman was so fat, how did you manage to find his penis in order to get a urine sample to prove he was on drugs?
10) Are we sure Hoffman died of an overdose, and that the scene of his death wasn't staged by Sara Lee?

EDIT: Reluctantly, I will provide an explanation of the preceding satire -
In today's hyper-sensitive politically correct world, the mainstream media and their sheep go to great lengths not to make racist, sexist, and homophobic assumptions and comments about people. However, fatness is still a perfectly acceptable reason for crass, cruel, and inappropriate assumptions and comments. Think back to the death of James Gandolfini and the media obsession with his weight. Think of Chris Christie before and after Bridgegate. I am not suggesting censorship of free speech, I am merely pointing out that political correctness protects almost every group, as long as the members aren't fat.

Saturday, February 01, 2014

Google Black History Home Page 02-01-2014

Did everyone enjoy today's Google home page graphic? Here is a reminder of it, in case you evil wicked raaaacists didn't notice:

I especially enjoyed her yellow, jaundiced eyes. Nice touch.