Thursday, December 12, 2013

Saw-stank Redumption

A Negress, finding herself locked in a company bathroom for eight hours at the Bill and Melinda Gates Foundation, ended up chiseling through the wall to free herself. I will give you a moment to reread the first sentence, as you are probably still in a state of stunned disbelief. Let's see the hole she dug -


Before I go further, look at the position of the hole in relation to the external handle she was trying to reach. She has a handle on both sides for comparison purposes, why the hell did she start up so damn high? Just to maximize the structural damage? Continuing, with quotes from this article:

Karen Perrin, "wife of former Washington Redskins running back Lonnie Perrin" used "the 1994 prison escape film Shawshank Redemption as inspiration."

Huh?

Was she wrongfully imprisoned in the toilet?
Was she ass-raped while locked in the toilet?
Did she befriend Morgan Freeman while locked in the toilet?
If she was using the film as inspiration, shouldn't she have escaped through a sewer pipe?

Continuing with a quote from the same article:

Now Perrin is resting comfortably at home nursing a few scrapes and bruises but ecstatic that she was able to escape her tomb.

Escape her tomb? Was the toilet in a masoleum? Exactly in how much danger was Mrs. Perrin? Was the toilet overflowing and she was treding water?

Continuing with another quote from the same article:

"As to why the bathroom door would not open, that’s still a mystery."

Bill Gates was on the other side holding the handle and laughing.

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