Wednesday, June 26, 2013

Was Trayvon Martin Dating Precious?

You cannot make this stuff up. The water buffalo Trayvon Martin was speaking to while being stalked by George Zimmerman is a dead ringer for the morbidly obese black sow who played "Precious". However, said water buffalo, Trayvon's "friend" Rachel Jeantel, has one additional attribute Precious lacked - an enormous goiter that no doubt stores malt liquor for the dry season.

On top of this hilarity is another diabetically sweet layer of frosting, in that Jeantel's testimony consisted of a series of grunts and exhalations befitting a gorilla in the mist. At one point, the entire court sat with bated bref, waiting for Jeantel to read five sentences while the defense attorney asked if she needed another day to complete the assignment!!! How Precious is that? The judge and jury even had to repeatedly ask Jeantel to restate her incomprehensible testimony, which yielded such gems as "He said a creepy-ass cracker was following him", "It might have been a rapist!","Why are you following me for?",  and "I started hearing wet grass sound". The creepy-ass cracker comment was repeated something like half-a-dozen times because Jeantel mumbled it the first time. What was the prosecutor thinking having her say that phrase so many times? I have compiled some of the most amusing testimony clips below. They kept me giggling manically for the better part of an hour.

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