Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Rub-a-dub-duh

Take a look at the advertisement below and see if anything other then the cleansing power of Dove soap is brought to mind.

This is yet another advertisement that has been decried as racist. Sure are a lot of them about. And why is it deemed racist? In case you still can't figure it out, the ad is accused of implying that filthy negro-ness can be scrubbed away with sufficient application of Dove soap (we all know this is unfortunately not the case). Still, I admit I can see a marked improvement from the original raw material. In fact, this is the most interesting development in the world of soap-making since Uncle Adolf's rendering facility stopped churning out RIF bars by the 6-millions.

Of course, we could take another message from the "before" and "after" images. For example, Dove soap also apparently makes you drop about 150 pounds of flab when you use it.

Monday, May 30, 2011

Chocolate Jungle Bunny

Well known Negress (and Supermodel) Naomi Campbell is calling for a boycott of Kraft Food in response to an advertisement she claims is "racist". The advertisement showed a bar of Dairy Milk bliss chocolate atop a bed of diamonds, with the slogan "Move over Naomi. there's a new diva in town." Rather than see this as commentary on her perceived bitchy attitude and reputation for allegedly assaulting her underlings, she has chosen to see it as an attack on her skin color. I disagree entirely that the Dairy Milk advert had racial overtones. Unlike the following advert...





 
 
 
Delightful. Perhaps she would be so kind as to call for a boycott CDN? I could use the publicity.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

The Dangers of Radioactive Squirrel Repellents

How far would you go to rid your garden or yard from vermin? Bell & Howell present the Solar Animal Repeller, a solar powered ultrasonic sound emitter they claim "Drives Pests Away!" and "Keeps Them Away!" I don't claim to know whether or not this contraption will keep raccoons from chewing on used condoms in your garbage, or keep squirrels from unloading their nuts next to your succulents.However, I spotted something in the advertisement for this product that made me very concerned.

Watch the ad at 1:11, "Now there is no need for cruel traps, or dangerous toxic poisons to keep pests away."
Isn't that the symbol for radioactivity?
That guy must REALLY hate chipmunks. What, is he Osama bin Laden's gardener? Is he waging jihad on the neighbor's dog with a dirty bomb planted beneath the daffodils?

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Pepsi: Pro-Choice of a No-Generation

Pro-Life groups across America are calling for a public boycott of PepsiCo due to the megacorporation's involvement with a controversial biotech company, Senomyx. "Why?", one might ask. It seems that PepsiCo and Senomyx are utilizing aborted fetal cells in the research and development of artificial flavor enhancers.


So now America has to cope with the image of PepsiCo as some titanic ogre-god, feasting upon the flesh of the unborn to satisfy its insatiable hunger for babies...delicious babies.

But are there actual fetal cells inside our Pepsi products? According to this article:

"Cells expressing certain proteins produce a chemical signal when flavors are introduced, which determines if it's the proper flavor. The aborted fetal cells are not in the product itself."

Comforting, I am sure, to some. However, the idea of petri dishes filled with detached squirming baby tongues, forced to taste-test Pepsi products 24-hours a day may still disgust and enrage the abortion-hating public. Let's hope so anyway.

Friday, May 27, 2011

Racism by any other Name

House Assistant Democratic Leader Jim Clyburn (otherwise known as Nancy's House Slave) has strongly denounced an article he says mischaracterized his opinion on Obama's racial difficulties; see: Racism to blame for Obama's problems.

Cylburn was quoted in that article as saying:

"You know, I'm 70 years old, and I can tell you; people don't like to deal with it, but the fact of the matter is, the president's problems are in large measure because of his skin color."

"When he sees his face being put on a chimpanzee's body; do you think he didn't see that?"

Clyburn's letter in response to the article contained the following:

"Those who know me, know this to be true - I have always abhorred the word 'racism.' I never use it. I believe it is a lethal term, and I am offended that my honest responses to a reporter's clearly designed agenda would be distorted in such a manner."

So Clyburn wants everyone to know ... Obama's problems are based on skin color and chimpanzee photoshopping, but not racism! All I can say is thank goodness Clyburn does not use the word racism. Therefore, he will not say the following is an example of such.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

Racist Australia is Pillay-oried

Navi Pillay, U.N. High Commissioner for Human Rights, [stock photo below] has accused Australia of racial discrimination not dissimilar to her own country, South Africa.

"There is a racial discriminatory element here which I see as rather inhumane treatment of people, judged by their differences, racial, colour or religions."

Quite right Madame Pillay! Take the case of Anna C., gang-raped by 14 Lebanese Muslims who prayed upon white "Aussie sluts". A heart-warming tale of the triumph of multiculturalism in Australia. Thank you Navi, for standing up for white victims of racist brown people!

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Casey Anthony: Puffy Shirt = Not Guilty

Allright, who had the bright idea today to dress Casey Anthony in the puffy shirt from Seinfeld?

Nothing says, "I didn't kill my child", like dressing up for your murder-trial in a shirt that went out of style in 1981. Here's another example of the shirt.
This is from the movie Bloody Birthday, summarized thusly on IMDB.com:

In 1970, three children are born at the height of a total eclipse. Due to the sun and moon blocking Saturn, which controls emotions, they have become heartless killers ten years later, and are able to escape detection because of their youthful and innocent facades.

Better find out what was blocking Saturn when Casey was born.

Clearly, she is innocent. It is the shirt that is guilty of murdering...fashion!

Friday, May 13, 2011

Racists Outraged Over Black Heimdall, Idris Elba

We should all be outraged by this news! This is a horrifying disgrace. Hollywood, get your head out of your tuckus! Idris Elba does not in any way resemble the real Heimdall.

Follow carefully... According to Wikipedia, Heimdallr, the Norse god upon whom the Marvel character Heimdall is based, is also known as "the one with the golden teeth." Therefore there is only one celebrity qualified to play Heimdall (see below).