Friday, December 29, 2006

Waiting *On Line* in Hell

In an effort to enforce the “Three Famous People Dying at a Time” Rule, Iraq is reportedly ready to hang Saddam Hussein. Imagine: James Brown, Gerald Ford, and Saddam Hussein, all standing sequentially in line waiting to enter Hell by the VIP entrance. That will be one of the most awkward and embarrassingly silent moments since Princess Diana, Mother Teresa, and Burgess Meredith waited sequentially in the same line in September 1997. Of course back then Diana kept looking over her shoulder saying “Where’s Dodi?” – not realizing that her Arab boyfriend’s Daddy already owned a posh suite in Hell staffed by 72 virgin, transgender Succubae, where Dodi was already beginning his eternity of tranny delights (the reward all Arab men yearn for, which explains Dodi’s attraction to Diana “ol’ Wayne Gretzky face” Spencer).

What a Democracy Iraq has! No trial by jury. No lengthy appeals. Hanging considered an acceptable method of execution. Impressive, isn’t it?

Let us hope that American democracy will function so efficiently when George II is tried for his war crimes.

Waiting *Online* in Hell

In regards to the public flogging Hal Turner is getting right now – I feel sorry for him. As much as he is guilty of childish demagoguery, it will probably stir sympathy in any just person to see one kid on the playground (no matter how much one may personally dislike or disagree with said kid) being repeatedly kicked to the ground by a mean-spirited mob of miscreants. Telling him you are not interfering with his right to free speech while bringing down his website is the equivalent of sitting on his chest, dangling spit in his eyes, forcing him to slap himself in the face with his own hand while shouting: “Quit hitting yourself!!!” It’s all very juvenile, and smacks of the nerdy, bullied kids becoming cyber-bullies in turn to compensate for their own frustrating memories of impotent torment – kicking further down the chain of rejects and outcasts as it were. Standing on the sidelines, smirking and saying “He deserves it” is just as indicative of the kicking further down the chain syndrome, the abused abusing the even more abused by proxy.

I suppose Hal’s best hope now is that the economy actually does collapse as he keeps predicting it will. It would at least draw attention from his predicament – for a few minutes anyway.


  1. I really do hope this dilemma is another one of Hal’s fantasies. If that’s the case, it shows a demented creativity and determination to the level of Michael Moore or Abraham Lincoln. The one thing I cannot understand is why the money grubbers don’t take better advantage of the loony Right. Hell, there’s money to be made. If there’s bucks to be had by shoving Homosexuals up our ass (pun intended), why not take advantage of the destruction of the American Middle Class? Make a series of films in the “Death Wish” tradition. Show Christians in an intelligent light on TV Programs. Highlight a German who did not throw a person into a Gas Chamber. This would make everyone feel better, make allot of money, and at the same time not stop the selling off of the United States. It’s a Win-Win situation.